So after spending most of half term painfully homesick… And really trying to analyze why… I’ve come to the conclusion that nothing in my life feels terribly concrete right now.
I honestly feel like I’m living one good bye to the next. You’d think I’d cherish the time I do get to be reunited with friends but perhaps I’m not so positive as that. As soon as I go home for a visit, I’m thinking about having to say good bye again. It’s even worse in England because I have absolutely no intention of staying here permanently, or even that long, so all my relationships feel false. I’m scared to let people in, because I don’t want to be hurt by good byes.
I’m scared to go home too. I’m worried relationships and people will have changed. I know I’ve changed. Will my old friends still want me? Will they get annoyed when I say, “Let’s go to the cinema” the way some British people do when I say theatre? These things are not really big, life altering problems, but they are still uncomfortable.
I think that is where I’m at. Trying to shape my life when there is little directing it. Just measuring the time from one goodbye to the next, because what else is there really? The next goodbye is actually ages away, but even still, I can’t help being reminded every time I’m with my friends here… That it won’t last.
Anyway, Paris and now being very busy back at work has almost completely cured my immediate and aching homesickness (though I’ll always miss Canada a little). I’m going through a post homesickness episode phase though that I like to call ‘pride in the moment’. It’s when you listen to a lot of music that celebrates living recklessly in the moment, or sacrifices and goodbyes being worth it… and then also live like that.
Currently on repeat is “Save Tonight” by Eagle-eye cherry. Check it out- 90’s classic and something that describes a lot of moments I’ve had in the last year.
Other good ones:
Atlas hands- Benjamin Francis Leftwich
Against the grain – city and colour (Canadian)
Fake Empire- the national
Reminder – Mumford and Sons
Pelican – the Maccabees
I’ll stop there but there are tons. -Celebrating how I’m living my life… Something I’m going to start doing more of.
Diamond's Year Abroad 
Back when I was in my 20’s I spent 3 years in Spain. It wasn’t planned if and when I would return to England. There was no internet. Just letters and (expensive) phone calls. Now I’ve been 13 years in Canada. I still kept true friends. I made new ones. TRUE friends pick up where you left off. They want the best for you. They don’t mind they see you less. Nowadays there is email and social media. The world is smaller. Enjoy what you are doing in the moment.
Ok stupid phone made me have to post in 2 bits. Chances dont come along twice. Enjoy what youre doing and don’t over analyse it. You will look back on this experience fondly. Don’t ever look back with regret. Life experience is very valuable. Believe me on this one. You will realise this in 20 years from now.